For Family Day (Sunday), we decided to hit Manhattan. It was 70 degrees but still really windy. We popped A.J in the stroller and headed out to Central Park West. During my pregnancy, I worked at the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf around there so I visited some old coworkers and we had our favorite drinks. We walked all through Central Park; it felt so good. It was quiet, peaceful and we had good conversation. When it was time to breastfeed A.J, I got weird looks from everyone. New York is such a city of convenience and hustle & bustle that I guess an exclusively breastfeeding mother in public is outrageous. Oh well.
A.J pretty much slept the whole time but I was still happy to visit Central Park for the first time. I’m a terrible New Yorker because I haven’t seen anything here. So Anthony & I made a promise to try as much as we can this last year in NY before we move to Florida. I don’t want to leave without saying I did it all & Im a New Yorker. So, here goes nothing.
Off to co-sleep!
All my life, I’ve been socially awkward. Somehow, I’ve still made friends (although I only have one or two now, none that live anywhere near me). In addition to being socially awkward, I have no fashion sense. I couldn’t put together an outfit to save my life. I once had an interview for a store on Fifth Avenue and she asked me to put together an outfit as a test. I panicked as I rummaged through the store looking for a t-shirt, jeans and Chucks. That’s all I can really pull off in my opinion and much to my dismay, Fifth Avenue lacks in that department.
As a mom, I’ve become even worse. Frumpy might be the right word. I have no clothes, my old ones don’t fit….hell, I barely do my hair. I truly hate that about myself. I want to feel good about how I dress and I want to learn to be a little trendy. I’m sick and tired of looking in distress when I’m shopping because everything feels awkward. Shopping scares the hell out of me; I haven’t stepped foot in a clothing store since December and I came home in tears because I couldn’t find a bra that fit.
It’s terrible. Anyone out there want to help? Maybe recommend a fashion blog or something?! I don’t want to be that frumpy mom. I want to feel beautiful and confident. I WANT TO SHOP FEARLESSLY. For God’s sake, Im only 21 years old. I need to get it together.
(I know you’ve noticed I don’t take any pictures of myself.)
Last night’s service was really good. God spoke to Anthony and me and watching A.J smile at us made me so grateful to God for our family. We’ve been through so much and with God’s help, we persevered. I love my husband no matter what. I know I will always stand by him. Every night I pray that The Lord will do more in our lives so we may do His will. I think we’re ready to submit to Him completely.
I love my boys with all my heart & soul. Ive never been more in love and happy.
Thank you God.
(His first month)
I’m so deeply in love with you, baby boy. You have made me so happy and you and your father are my world. I thank God every day for you. Te amo times infinity.
I’ve been reading about attachment parenting since my pregnancy and I would have never guessed I would lean towards that. I always thought I’d be one of those strict parents aiming for structure but since A.J came along, I just want him to feel loved and secure always. I’m still reading into it but I do know that cosleeping is part of this form of parenting and I am guilty of it.
I bought a cosleeper bassinet for A.J because I’m exclusively breastfeeding and it’s just SO MUCH EASIER. It also helps for those fears every new mom probably has where she checks her baby’s breathing every ten minutes (Isn’t SIDS the scariest thought or what).
I admit he hates the thing because it has no padding so he practically sleeps on a hard surface and its effin cold in NYC; I don’t blame him. I started sleeping with him because I felt so sad for him and it ended up being the best. I still cosleep with him from time to time (more times than not) and its amazing for us. I love the security I feel with him next to me. We smell each other and feel each others warmth. Bonus: his pacifier never falls out because its resting on my breast so he doesn’t freak out.
Oh and it’s a GODSEND for breastfeeding mamas like myself. Just wake up, shove boob in mouth, and snooze off. Forget warming milk and all that jazz. I love it. I get a lot of criticism for sleeping with him and how he’ll be spoiled but at the end of the day, he’s MY spoiled son. I will cross whatever bridge when I get there. I don’t know how long I’ll cosleep but I’ll enjoy it until then.
I’ll keep you guys posted on any more attachment parenting from this household and how it’s working out.
One of the greatest feelings in the world is when a child smiles at you. Even better is your own child, it’s surreal. After that first smile, you’re filled with so much joy and love you could burst. All you want to do is make them smile over & over and Lord knows its like a drug every time.
A.J smiled for the first time last week & I couldn’t be happier or more convinced that he’s a happy baby. After he eats, he just smiles at us & we just eat it up. These pictures are from last night at 3 in the morning. His diaper leaked and he is all smiles as we change him. As tired as we were, we couldn’t help but hug him, kiss him & smile back.
I love you, honey. Smile every day because every day is a blessing.
Scrolling around WordPress, I found a picture of a young woman who was 26 weeks pregnant. She looks so happy and eager and I just remember the feeling: knowing but not REALLY knowing what’s to come. I was so happy to be carrying my first child and all I could think about was how pretty I felt (at least in my second trimester) and how much I wanted to meet him. I can’t say my entire pregnancy was a happy one. There was a lot of drama going on with our families (still happening) which made it really hard on me. But just being pregnant was enough for me. My husband was super supportive and I know for my next pregnancy, I’ll prepare myself to enjoy it way more. I have some pictures during my pregnancy and I tried keeping a journal but between school, work and resting, it was too much. I wish I could have documented more of it for A.J. but maybe it wasn’t meant to be. I wish the girl in the picture a happy pregnancy and all the other moms-to-be out there: get ready. It’s going to be quite a ride.
At school (don’t remember how far along I was in any of these) :
A little scare near Christmas: