Supplementing before the holidays

Today was so so so busy. Who knew taking two days off could be so not worth it? I was swamped with work. I’ve been starting my days early and developing a schedule. It’s helped me stay sane. I can remember things perfectly for other people but will forget my own responsibilities. So I live by my planner.

I’ve decided to supplement AJs diet. So far I’ve breastfed him since birth exclusively. At six months I brought in the solid foods. But I’m so busy now that I’m working, attending church and caring for him without a spouse, I can barely find the time to pump much less nurse him during the day. I’m sad about it because I never wanted to give him formula but I don’t want to deprive him either. I’ll be giving him a combo of solids and formula during the day and nursing him at home while pumping when I get the chance at work.

I was so nervous to try formula with him but he chugged it really quickly.

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That’s us at my desk while he’s drinking his first bottle. I went with Gerber Good Start Gentle since most of the proteins are broken down for easier digesting. He seemed to really like it.

For those of you who wonder what I do, I manage an Internet cafe while caring for my son. Sometimes he’s super fussy and I’m packed with customers, pulling my hair out. But I’ve managed. Let me tell you: it’s not easy to work with a baby next to you. It’s super demanding but I’m even more proud of myself for being able to do it.

Sidebar:

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This was AJ and his grandfather (my stepfather) this morning. He’s a barber so when we dropped by his job today, he thought it would be cute to pretend to give AJ a haircut. AJ loves him so he played along. They can be pretty adorable sometimes.

Xoxo
God bless.

P.S. Did I mention how excited I am for the holidays? My mom and I spent the night making pasteles en hojas which translated are ground-roots pockets or Caribbean-Style Tamales. Hopefully Google can it explain it better than I can. All I know is they’re delicious!

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9 months!

My son turned 9 months old today. Whoa. I gave birth 9 whole months ago. It feels like so much longer though with all the stress I’ve had to deal with. The end of my relationship, the reconciliation with my family and starting life with AJ as a single mom.

I’ll admit: I was pretty depressed about being a single mom. I’d think,”great, everyone’s going to look at me as the stereotypical Latino girl who got knocked up and left alone by some thug.” Even though the only truth to that statement is that I’m Latina. I was married, in love with a veteran, pursuing my career and developing my family but it’s not like I can plaster that on my forehead so no one will judge.

I’m still working on my self-esteem. I’m a beautiful, intelligent woman. I created life out of love. Sure, I live with my mother as I try to stabilize my new life. My ex may think I’m a child for that but what he doesn’t realize is I work full-time and I’m a mother full-time. I work with my son next to me not to mention I breastfed exclusively for six months (while doing it alone). I attend church four times a week and I’m going to school. I’m definitely doing this. I’m only 21 years old and have so much potential. I’m living my life for God and my son.

I have a purpose.

Thanks for following me and joining me on this journey. I appreciate all your support. Now please enjoy the pictures of my date to church tonight 🙂

Happy 9 months monkey.

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Balance

Hey! It’s been a few days but I had a chance to spend real quality time with my family. Barbecues, movies and the pool. The perks of Puerto Rico: summer activities year-round. AJ had a lot of fun.

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Lots and lots of family fun. Now to the real stuff…

I’ve been doubting myself so much. Today all I’ve been thinking is how my ex might have been right about me. I hate to think like this about myself but I cannot figure it out sometimes.

It’s so hard to balance everything. I’m trying to be a good mom, a good employee, a good follower of Christ, a good everything! But good doesn’t cut it for me sometimes. It seems like when I’m doing okay in one aspect, I’m lacking in another. How do mothers do it?! I’ve been trying to figure it out and for the life of me, I can’t find a balance. I really can’t do it.

My fear?

Until I do find balance, I don’t think I’m ever going to be happy. I’ll never have peace. How do I balance every aspect of my life without tearing my hair out?

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Baby Food and Grownup Food

Here I am, laying in bed after a regular day at work. AJ is sleeping soundly on top of me. He went to sleep angry because he wanted to nurse again and we all know you can’t nurse twice back to back without some time lapse in between.

Today I’ve been thinking about cooking. About twice a week, I pretty much spend most of my day steaming up fresh fruit and vegetables for AJ. I wanted to feed him as naturally as I could from the beginning (considering how unhealthy I was when I was pregnant).

After six months of successfully (with a lot of help from God) breastfeeding him exclusively, I started feeding him solids. He loved it immediately. Then one day I was so swamped from work, I couldn’t make him food so I had to run out and buy him Beech-Nut food. One spoonful later, AJ was violently throwing up everywhere and we were rushing to the ER. Turns out he’s allergic. Go figure.

Since then, he’s been traumatized with food so I’ve had to be creative. First everything had to be a purĂ©e and fed through a bottle. It’s frustrating, I admit, but whatever gets the job done. Right? Now he’s expanding a little more. He likes fruit semi-frozen like a smoothie and Cheerios to munch for snacks. I’m starting to notice he likes crunchy things over mushy.

He’s 8 months now and he eats lots of fruits and veggies. I’m ecstatic. The Baby Bullet and Turbo Steamer are my best friends. They’ve been the best purchases I’ve made so far.

Now, here’s my worry. I’ve never been a great cook. My ex was a simple man when it came to food. Chicken breast, pizza, hot pockets and coffee. Now that I’m single again, I worry. I really want to advance my cooking. I want to be able to teach AJ to eat a variety of things and some day teach him to be able to cook for himself. I want my next husband to be happy to sit down for a meal I made (& yes, I plan to remarry, if God allows). It’s my next step of growth.

So, I’ve decided to do it. I will be waking up earlier than normal to learn more about cooking from my mother and her husband, who team up in the kitchen every day before work.

I’ll keep you guys posted on how that’s going.

Have a great night and God bless!

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Can you tell he was upset? Lol

You Should Date An Illiterate Girl

Amazing.

Thought Catalog

Date a girl who doesn’t read. Find her in the weary squalor of a Midwestern bar. Find her in the smoke, drunken sweat, and varicolored light of an upscale nightclub. Wherever you find her, find her smiling. Make sure that it lingers when the people that are talking to her look away. Engage her with unsentimental trivialities. Use pick-up lines and laugh inwardly. Take her outside when the night overstays its welcome. Ignore the palpable weight of fatigue. Kiss her in the rain under the weak glow of a streetlamp because you’ve seen it in film. Remark at its lack of significance. Take her to your apartment. Dispatch with making love. Fuck her.

Let the anxious contract you’ve unwittingly written evolve slowly and uncomfortably into a relationship. Find shared interests and common ground like sushi, and folk music. Build an impenetrable bastion upon that ground. Make it sacred. Retreat into…

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New beginning

It has been such a long time since I’ve last posted anything. During the course of these past four months so much has happened, so much has changed and I feel my growth beginning.

My husband and I are no longer together. I’m going to be brutally honest and just tell you he decided being on his own was better than being with AJ and me. Some veterans just like it that way.

AJ is now 8 months and we currently live in Puerto Rico. It’s a major change from NY but I appreciate it now because I hear it’s getting cold up there lol.

On a serious note: Our separation hit me like a train at full speed. I thought my world was falling apart.

This is where God comes in. God is amazing and powerful. He has given me this opportunity to become stronger and believe me, I have. I have been able to handle this situation with my head held high, waiting patiently for my promise. My promise of redemption.

This is MY time. Time to grow: as a mother, as a woman, spiritually, mentally and as someone’s potential wife. I am not a child anymore so childish things don’t consume me. They won’t distract me. I have no time for complaining, no time to waste. I’m focused on my goals for God, for my son and for myself.

I’m a single mother now: working, attending church and school regularly while still finding the time to play with my son, eat Cheerios and watch his favorite cartoons.

I’m going to be writing more now.
Thank you for being with me.

God bless!

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