These holidays were hot and cold for me. Thanksgiving was a great start. We had so much fun prepping for the night and taking pictures. Honestly, the only thing missing for me was my ex (for a short time. I’m human and I’m allowed to miss companionship). The next one was Christmas. Things were really tight financially so we ended up only buying gifts for AJ (and a few things for ourselves without telling anyone). It was awkward because there was some serious drama between me and my mother’s husband. I really wasn’t in the Christmas spirit anymore and I definitely missed AJ’s father. Our relationship was probably looked down on by so many people and maybe that’s why it didn’t really work but he was my best friend and I was sad not having him there for me and AJ.
For New Year’s, my son’s godfather decided to visit us. I hadn’t seen him in a year and he hadn’t met my son due to drama between him and us (us being my ex and I). Over the summer, I realized how badly I treated him and apologized, not really expecting anything, but he forgave me and we’ve reconnected since.
I thought it was going to be great having a friend visit me in Puerto Rico. It can get really lonely here. It turns out that whole week he was here was nothing but a wake-up call for me. I realized what I wanted for my life and what is convenient for me. I don’t need a world of drinking, partying or promiscuity. I want a God-centered family more than anything but I need to lead my family into God first. So for 2014 (& forevermore), I am renewed and redeemed in Christ.
I bought myself a new bible and I
can’t wait to see what God has in store for me. Actually, I can wait. One of my first lessons is patience. I want to avoid instant gratification and focus on my spiritual discipline by diving headfirst into Jesus and letting everything marinate. I want to get away from my phone and focus on God and AJ. I plan on returning to school this semester and establishing a schedule for work and church. I’m finally getting my life in order and it feels great! For a long time, I thought I needed AJ’s father to complete me. Whether or not we get back together and whether or not it’s good for us is up to God. What I’ve learned is to be perfect, happy, and whole with what I do have: love, family, friends and spirituality. Thank you so much, God.