It changes everything.

A few nights ago, I was on the phone with a really great friend of mine and we were discussing children. He doesn’t have any yet and has plans to have a huge family. I told him everything changes after the first one.

When I was pregnant, my ex and I discussed how much we wanted to expand our family. I’ve always wanted a big family and he came from a small one so naturally I thought we would agree to have lots of kids. He told me to be realistic and settle for two, three max.

Now, I’ll never admit this to him but…he’s sort of right. It is so much harder to provide for our families nowadays and having a huge bunch heading off to college can be pretty scary. After having AJ and learning just how much goes to one person, I’ve really opened my eyes. If I don’t have the means to provide for a big family, why bring them all to this Earth to suffer or feel at a disadvantage?

I feel comfortable with AJ. Thats all I can handle right now. He needs 100% of my love, affection and attention. Giving him that is so much more valuable to me. Someday, when I remarry and feel 100% stable, then I will want to expand. For now? Its just us, baby.



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