I’ve been questioning my parenting lately. Man….that’s a terrible thing to confess. No one ever wants to admit that their child’s possible flaws could be directly linked to their lack of parenting success. As of late, that’s been my thought process. It’s been having an impact on my self-awareness, my self-esteem and of course, my peace and happiness.
My son will be two years old in two months. There are so many things that my son SHOULD be doing at this age, but isn’t. My first thought is that I shouldn’t feel bad; there are sick children all over the world and AJ is blessed to just be healthy. But that’s just it. Those kids are SICK. That is their “excuse” for lack of a better word. AJ isn’t sick so what’s the problem?
I’m forced to assume it’s me. Perhaps I’m not spending enough time with him, teaching him. Is he not socializing enough? Is it my fault?
I’ve made the attempt to seek professional help but I’m judged. Immediately I get THAT look: the “She’s way too young and can’t handle the responsibility” look. It’s patronizing, disappointing and admittedly hurting. I’ve tried with all my power to show that I am capable of being a good mother to my son.
Where am I lacking, AJ? What am I depriving you of, sweet boy?
This is me: admitting that I am not a perfect mother and my child and I have our own set of issues as does every family. Here I am questioning myself because there is no one else. Where do I turn next?
Do not feel sorry for me, reader. I am simply fulfilling my purpose. I’m not here to show you my perfect parenting nor am I here for pity. I am here to show you that we are one in the same, that I struggle as you struggle and I seek help like you seek help from me.
until next time from one learning mom to the next….V